WOW 19 YEARS LATER!

 My physical journal was what triggered my memory on this journal. I guess everyone who blogs in the past has started the journaling journey without calling it journal. 

Slight cringe when I read the old posts but I am glad I wrote those as a viewing portal to the past. 

Our social journaling has evolved to Instagram, Facebook and TikTok which are way more fun than reading a bunch of words. But sometimes writing long form still feels more captivating than the easy, instant photo dump.  

Toodles for now. Xoxo

Random

I saw the updated blogs of others and I wanted to just type something here. Monkey see monkey do I know. This space is supposed to be my emo elmo nemo space but can't be bothered now. I wanna blog because I'm happy too!

I JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Sounding like a primary school kid I know, but isn't happiness supposed to be spreaded? So here I am doing so! But there's way too many details to talk about so I'll cut it short!

Actually, on second thought, I better continue another day. I have a long Wednesday ahead! Goodnight loves! <3

Weak

It's not that I'm facing anything I have to worry at the moment or any incident that's upsetting me. In fact there's absolutely nothing for me to worry about at the moment, not even my new career. I just can't handle that I allowed my feelings to take over my head even for that little while. It's because that I had a taste of how it feels like to feel. I don't voice it out or pen it down anymore because it seems incredibly childish to be saying this at this stage of life, something I keep telling myself over and over again till it became a belief. I hate that I feel vulnerable opening up my heart. Moments like the phone call when I let out my thoughts. But just because something you tell yourself a million times, doesn't turn it true. I'm a human being afterall. There's no way I can stop my heart from feeling. There's no way people ain't gonna leave you one day without any reason. People come and go. Accept the fact. Appreciate and treasure who you think it's worth and especially those doing that for you. Cuz it's hard to find mutual level of understanding, trust and care. I know there are these few love ones in my life, so why am I worried? After pening these down, I can't tell if I feel better.

As I delete what had been hanging around for years in this space, I felt that tug on my heart knowing I'm 'deleting' my history. Though it was just physical trace, there's still the inexplicable feel there somewhere. Start afresh. Breathe the new air. So I keep rambling.

It's the third day into the second week of July. Summing up what's been going on, I spent most of my time studying and working lately. And the most nerve wrecking news, I failed the exam twice and I hope it's not still in the count. Well, three's a charm. I'm seizing that pass this time round!

I'm kinda falling back in love with blogger! It's so fool proof and the interface is pretty nice! Tumblr has a different touch to it with the reblogging ability though. I'll not be picking one to use. Each of them shall have half of my heart.

Fingers crossed

Okay I'm here to whine a bit since I don't wanna flood my poor twitter followers timeline and publicize on Facebook! I failed my M5 exam the first time and tomorrow will be the second attempt. I really really put in my all on the first attempt and it was depressing that I failed! :( I know that people have been telling me lots of them failed like multiple times before passing, but I don't wanna be one of them! And it was more disappointing for me because I did tried hard. I thought I'll put in more this time round but apparently I totally wasted the extra week I had. Oh well, I shouldn't be surprised. I've become someone who give all once and not wanna try a second time to risk a failure AFTER so much of pain. Worst of all, this is my way of handling almost everything. Contradicting I know! Risk of failing is higher when there isn't effort planted in. I can't help it. This is really some loser act. Big sigh! All in all, I just pray I'll get a pass for tomorrow's paper. Though it wouldn't be a big blow to me anymore if I don't succeed. Oh gosh CC, you're such a loser!

Nah! I'll do fine! :) Ahmila as well!

Something distraughting came between my two dear friends. I wish there's something I can do to help but my hands are tied. Not wanting to seal the story with just one point of view received, I'm not gonna aid anyone. It has been a long way till now, I believe that everyone of us treasure what we have between all of us. Sometimes words may be misleading, but knowing the true intention for those words no matter how not sugar coated they are will have a different impact on us. Based on what I've gathered, this is all I can deliver. Of cause, my support and ears too if needed! I just wish there's more I can offer.

Pre examination syndrome

The stress is building up in me and I think it had been doing so since I started mugging from the beginning and I just hadn't felt it. It's so much worse than going for btt and ftt! It's actually incomparable since those two books are so thin! I haven't studied since like forever!

Nevertheless, complaints are definitely not helpful in any way. Sleep is. So I'm just gonna make sure I get up real early later on and secure as much time as possible to study!

Thanks man!

Just when I said I have nothing to complain about, just great! I love it when you soak my toothbrush in soap powder and scrub my brother's shoes with it, when I get spat on, when you broke my perfume bottle! Life's awesome with these wonderful incidents! I'm so thankful for them!

Hello old friend

Oh man, this space has been neglected for AGES since I've moved on to other blogging platforms! I think I have this blog for 6 years already! It's amazingly long! So here I am to pay it a visit! Tumblr has became way too public! I guess this can be my slightly private ranting corner? But I have nothing to complain right now! I'm glad! ;)

Gosh! Reread some of my old posts, I felt like fainting! I'm so thankful that my life has changed so drastically from before! I am so gonna read from the very oldest post till this when I have too much time at hand! I'll probably laugh at myself or bang against the wall!

I need to revamp this blog though! Pondering if I should stick to this URL which I've been using for so many years or change to felceecee.

I'm here to revisit this first blog of mine!!

migrated

hey guys, i've decided to take a break from blogger. look for me at iamnotwhatiseemtobe.onsugar ! :)

rmb the show i mentioned in the previous post, kyle xy. this is really really a great show. its so different from all the other dramas i'd watched. though the story is out of the ordinary, there's so many other stuffs happening in the show that u can really relate to the real world. the strong bond between the family, the selflessness the kyle show for everyone he loves is really touching. every episode ends with me feeling different. it seems as if there's something to learn from the show.

ytd was the last paper for the exam. felt uneasy cuz i know i had flunk the theory part which consists quite a high percentage of the paper. but i felt relieved that the exam and this sem is over.
came straight home after school and i just lock myself in the room. i dont feel like going anywhere actually. the feeling is here again. and i dunno why.

i went to yishun just now to meet up with yvonne and she passed me my advance birthday gift. really sweet of her. i think its not easy to get the engraving on it so i can really feel the effort. thank you dear! she is one of the best thing that came out of the job at peony jade, made a good friend :)
cut my hair today as well at the shop eein recommended. my fringe is really short and the hairdresser curled my hair for me to see if i'll like this change in my hair. i find it really weird, most probably cuz it doesnt suit me. its temporary so no worries for me. hahas.


sometimes the connection u make with other people sneak up on u, u share experiences, u have a history, u form a bond.

i've been saying i want things back to normal. i dont want this anymore. i want things to be better.

studied at mos with benny ytd and before i started, i was delivery girl. just wanted to do something. and i have no idea result my action generated. hope its something positve. went home at 10 and went over to amk mac after that to meet darling to study overnight. took the first train back and i was still damn awake when i got back. something is very wrong with my body. been have headaches very very frequently and my stomach dont feel well too. appetite been quite bad sometimes. sigh

went over RP to study with twin and her classmates, william and two other guys. as usual, not very productive but still managed to learn something. stayed till close to 1o and we left. bought some food from pasar malam and twin and me sat down to chat a lil while. went off at 11 plus and met up with kiwi for a lil while. for now he's my permanent neighbour till he moves off to hostel next sem. hahas. finally been seeing him around after so long. i still rmb the first time i realise he stays at the same block as me. lol.

just finished one episode of this show call kyle xy, its about this boy who woke up one day in the forest knowing nothing bout this world and himself. he was taken care by this woman name nicole who was someone who looks after cases of 'special' kids. kyle knows nothing in this world yet he has a powerful mind which makes him a genius.
its a really interesting show. hahas. he's quite good looking actually but his role made him kinda retarded la. lol. but i guess he wont be such a retard after a few more episodes. so i'm gonna continue watching.

i'm reading this book call managing yourself by paul morgon. pretty interesting cuz its talking bout understanding yourself more and all the psychological stuffs that most ppl actually dont realise. zhi quan shared it with me like how looong ago and i'm finally reading it. hahas.

and yes, i totally agree to this sentence that twin puts at her pm.
'it's sad when someone you know become someone you knew'

just got back from studying awhile ago. studied overnight with twin at semb mac. not bad. more productive than what i studied in bishan library with darling. AND its cuz i study better at night okay! not because of who i'm studying with. or maybe partially the reason la. HAHAHHAHA. went for resort world sentosa interview at tpy cc east in the noon. hmm. dunno if i should take up the job or not.

studying again later when i get up. arghhh. tiring of mugging but what other choice do i have. sigh

here's one of my current fav song


萧亚轩 - 后来的我们

从前的我们哭着 笑着
都总是两个人
后来的我们就连招呼
都有一点陌生
从前的我们哭着 笑着
都相信会永恒
后来的我们 为什么不能

there's alot of things i wanna update on actually. but everytime i come in here and start typing, i have no idea where to start.

let me start by saying i'm very happy that i got my RED E63! hehe. dilemma deciding whether to spend more getting the white E71 or maybe wait for iphone to arrive at M1. BUT.. ended up i bought E63 and i have no regrets. its a beautiful and really quite a good phone :D

weather has been pretty bad lately. but hopefully it wont be raining this much during dec. kinda mood spoiling to have heavy rain when there's plans to go out. cant wait for holiday to come! :)

found these when i was looking through some stuffs today. delon gave them to me from his diving trip. hahas. just some random stuffs to share.

can u just be normal?! its really frustrating to face all this u know. i just want things to be back like before. i cant stand this change in u. maybe i took it for granted that u'll be there all the time, i was too engrossed in my problems last time. but its different now. trust me

had a looong and tiring day. stayed back in school to study with steve, jessica and benny. slow progress. i'm so dead. sighhh. oh well. went off at 9 plus. it was like super dark alrdy when we went out. got home and cooked myself maggie mee. lousy meal. haven been eating well and sleeping well. exams! argh!

twin and me are like suffering from insomnia la. must be her fault! LOL.


i'm such an idiot!! seriously! how retarded can i be!

okay. time to update my dying blog. hahas. exam is approaching fast! been studying recently. told cz today. been a long time since i really use my brain, thats why its so pain. LOL. studied at mac ytd with twin, wilson, benny and jessica. it was snowing in there la. super cold! just like twin's room. for polar bears only. HAHAHHA.
went to mos to study today. the feeeeel was right for studying. not bad. getting into the mood alrdy. lol.

it bothers me alot when someone close to me drifts apart without any reason. anything at all will be better than a word, 'nothing'.

i'm glad i've finally got myself out of the bubble i trapped myself in. took me a long time. but still. yeah :) MOVED ON MOVED ON! hahas

photos from 071109, shopping with two of my favorite girls ♥
just a few. the uploader is not working!

exams are coming but i'm still not in the mood to study. i'm so gonna flunk this sem. i wonder how i got to sem 4 seriously. lol.

E just called with a problem i faced awhile back. makes me think a lil. hate friendship problems. random post here. but i really hope all of my friendships will continue gg on strong. i believe they will. love u guys! :)

gossip girl and heroes are getting more and more exciting! HAHAHA. cant wait for next week's episode!

late for sch ytd so ended up getting mc. met up with ben to get the mc. had lunch at suki buffet. the salmon was loveee :) chatted till 5 and i went to meet eelin to head down to town for leiseng's bday celebration. on the way to taka getting his present, we were stopped by our own shopping. HAHAHA. we stopped at almost every stop. me and eelin both got ourselves a dress each :)) left quickly when we finally realised we were about to be late. lol. had buffet again at k box -.- had buffet twice in a day is crazy! which is the reason why my stomach is killing me now!! anyway. had an extension till 12. so me and eelin had chance to sing many many songs! and it was still not enough! lol. hope leiseng had a great time which i'm sure he did. HAHAH

had dinner with jessie and siaowei at semb today. they suggested sakae initially. i would have love that suggestion but due to the two buffets ytd, i had to turn it down! lol. ended up at the foodcourt as my stomach wasnt well so i had to get some soup base food. after dinner it was meet up with twin! finally finally! and yes! we end papers on the same day. 1st dec! hahahs. and i'm sure we'll be seeing alot of each other during holidays. hahas.

went down to euroclass after class today. first time taking ben's car. drove me and ting down. hahas. heard what mr byran had to sat and its really interesting. think its always good to learn something new.

somewhat had my fortune read. yeah. had to be more determine , really.

i miss the six of us! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUIFEN! we're gonna meet up soon!

something random. i realise i'm so used to having certain people in my life everyday already. it feels weird not contacting them even for one day. LOL. u all know who u are. love you guys! :)


something interesting i found on yourtube. its amazing! HAHAH