that hurts. if u didnt alrdy noe. if it really doesnt matter. den im nv doing it again. that'll be the last time. dun regret. if u think its makin mi happier. IT IS! THANK U VERY MUCH!!! argghhhh!!! wad the FUCK! forget it.



EELIN. faster come bac. i miss u alrdy! AMILIA too. no one to chat or accompany mi when im bored or feelin down. hai.

the bbq yesterday was great except for the fact that it rained and i got like bitten by.. err.. hundreds of mosquitoes.? hhas. ohh goshh! im scratchin all over and let mi just pray that it will not bleed and leave behind some very ugly lookin scars. im freakin itchy now. just imagine there's this cream or wadever crap i can think of that can remove mosquitoe bites in an instance. wow. i'll love the person who invented it(: anyway. gotta thank ningsi for draggin mi to the bbq. if not i'll miss the fun. im glad i went. hahas.


she's the man is really nice. it tells us to persue our dreams all the way even though it meant breakin the rules. eh. actually that's not really a very nice advice. lols. anyway. ya. do the impossible. even though u noe u will not succeed. at least u've tried ur best. woahh! cant believe im sayin this. hahahs.



hai. guys. im not worth for u guys to do things that will make only make mi happy. think of urself. its really not worth it u noe. u guys said its worth doing things for someone u love. but ... hai. u guys done alot for mi. im really happy. but im afraid to make a decision. i dun wanna hurt anyone.



suddenly the thought of o level creepin nearer and nearer silently and quickily rushed into my mind. i've slack for like 2 whole years and i think its enough. is it so hard to make myself study? im reminded of my 30 mins a day self study for a few times. wad happen to it? i just couldnt be bothered. how bout my maths? i told myself over and over again that i gotta buck up and start studyin. the worse thing is i keep thinkin that i still hav the time and i delay and messed up again. see wad happen to my mid yr. i noe i did study. but it was last min. like its gonna be any help to mi. sometimes i just wanna giv up on everything. drop out. put a stop to every difficult stuff that i faced. but i cant. its just a way of avoidin problems. eventually it'll just sneak bac up and scare u. ohh wadever crap. all these rantings here is not doing mi any good. i just gotta start actin instead of just plain sayin.



i miss church (: i dunno why. after such a long time of not going. hahs. just rmb to pray and hope God can take away some of my problems. Amen.

did i do the right thing? WAD is the right thing?

its been so long since i cried this long le. why is life always so unfair? i dun wan to lose anyone. by leavin mi is not gonna make mi any happier. its makin mi worse. it seems like all my fault that everything changed. maybe without mi everything would not hav started. sorry eelin for draggin u in. this doesn't even involve u. yet u seem to be the busiest person here.


wad should i do now?

Above all powers,

Above all kings,

Above all nature and all created things,

Above all wisdom and all the ways of man,

You were here before the world began.

Above all kingdoms,

Above all thrones,

Above all wonders the world has ever known.

Above all wealth and treasures of the earth,

There's no way to measure what You're worth.

Crucified

Laid behind a stone

You lived to die

Rejected and alone

Like a rose

Trampled on the ground

You took the fall

And thought of me

Above all

im gettin more and more frustrated le. its gettin no wher with all the thinkin. so why am i botherin?

gotta go sch tml. siian.. thanks to AUNTIE tay who agreed to help mi print. hahas.. so i dun hav to go search for a printer. gotta rmb to bring my floppy tml. work was quite tirin today. imagine pourin 1 thousand cups of fruit punch and refillin it like for 10 times.. its crazy. the ppl dere sure can drink alot. its sort of like the openin of the changi airport terminal 3. it seems quite nice.. wid the area surrounded by sunflower. speakin of that.. i brought one stalk home.. its really pretty. the yellow was very bright. hahas. took picture of the place too. changi airport. hmmm. remind mi of somethin. esplanade too. haiis. better stop thinkin of that now.


hmm.. hope hj wil hav a nice trip in china. hahas..
next i'll be sayin that to eelin.. lols. and be more brave.. somethin good will come out of it.. trust mi. im better wid other's prob den my own. lols..


HAIIS. in a worse state now. urgh! stupid. stupid. stupid. one worry is regrettin.. thats the worst part. one seems to care. one does'nt.
forget it.

chi o'level today.. not that difficult but the last passage was quite hard to understand..
well. as long as i dun fail i'll be happy enough. dun dare to hope for too much.. everytime i put my hope higher.. the more disappointed i'll get. its always like this.. anyway.. the hall was like north pole today.. everyone was freezin as the air con was blastin.. is there a need to on it that strong? lols.. and i didnt bring a jacket some more.. clever ain't i? lols..


in a state of confusion now. clearin my mind to think clearly.. how? advice pls ppl.. haiis.. i seriously dunno wad to do.. all i gotta do is to noe how i feel.. but how? whoo.. good for amilia.. her prob is solve.. blessings to u wor! lols..


- - the worst decision maker in the world

i wanna noe wad im thinkin. is it so hard to make a decision? everytime i try to think my mind is blank.. why? the more i think the more confuse i get.. arghh!! someone help mi please.. time is runnin out..


jiayou to everyone wor.. chi exam on mon.. hahas.. cannot flunk it.. gotta get at least A2 for it.. thats my target.. for the other subjects i dun dare to put too much hope on them.. ya..

im bac to blog.. lols.. it rottin here waitin for mi to blog.. hahas..


anyway..exams are almost over.. great..just one more day.. =)


ohh..im so sorry.. i forgot to send marlon a msg on his birthday and mother's day.. lols.. anyway... hope u hav a great day tml.. hahas.. lookin forward to enjoyin myself after 1 whole week of exam.. and i gotta make up my mind soon.. no more brain cells for that le.. hahas