WOW 19 YEARS LATER!

 My physical journal was what triggered my memory on this journal. I guess everyone who blogs in the past has started the journaling journey without calling it journal. 

Slight cringe when I read the old posts but I am glad I wrote those as a viewing portal to the past. 

Our social journaling has evolved to Instagram, Facebook and TikTok which are way more fun than reading a bunch of words. But sometimes writing long form still feels more captivating than the easy, instant photo dump.  

Toodles for now. Xoxo

Random

I saw the updated blogs of others and I wanted to just type something here. Monkey see monkey do I know. This space is supposed to be my emo elmo nemo space but can't be bothered now. I wanna blog because I'm happy too!

I JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Sounding like a primary school kid I know, but isn't happiness supposed to be spreaded? So here I am doing so! But there's way too many details to talk about so I'll cut it short!

Actually, on second thought, I better continue another day. I have a long Wednesday ahead! Goodnight loves! <3

Weak

It's not that I'm facing anything I have to worry at the moment or any incident that's upsetting me. In fact there's absolutely nothing for me to worry about at the moment, not even my new career. I just can't handle that I allowed my feelings to take over my head even for that little while. It's because that I had a taste of how it feels like to feel. I don't voice it out or pen it down anymore because it seems incredibly childish to be saying this at this stage of life, something I keep telling myself over and over again till it became a belief. I hate that I feel vulnerable opening up my heart. Moments like the phone call when I let out my thoughts. But just because something you tell yourself a million times, doesn't turn it true. I'm a human being afterall. There's no way I can stop my heart from feeling. There's no way people ain't gonna leave you one day without any reason. People come and go. Accept the fact. Appreciate and treasure who you think it's worth and especially those doing that for you. Cuz it's hard to find mutual level of understanding, trust and care. I know there are these few love ones in my life, so why am I worried? After pening these down, I can't tell if I feel better.

As I delete what had been hanging around for years in this space, I felt that tug on my heart knowing I'm 'deleting' my history. Though it was just physical trace, there's still the inexplicable feel there somewhere. Start afresh. Breathe the new air. So I keep rambling.

It's the third day into the second week of July. Summing up what's been going on, I spent most of my time studying and working lately. And the most nerve wrecking news, I failed the exam twice and I hope it's not still in the count. Well, three's a charm. I'm seizing that pass this time round!

I'm kinda falling back in love with blogger! It's so fool proof and the interface is pretty nice! Tumblr has a different touch to it with the reblogging ability though. I'll not be picking one to use. Each of them shall have half of my heart.

Fingers crossed

Okay I'm here to whine a bit since I don't wanna flood my poor twitter followers timeline and publicize on Facebook! I failed my M5 exam the first time and tomorrow will be the second attempt. I really really put in my all on the first attempt and it was depressing that I failed! :( I know that people have been telling me lots of them failed like multiple times before passing, but I don't wanna be one of them! And it was more disappointing for me because I did tried hard. I thought I'll put in more this time round but apparently I totally wasted the extra week I had. Oh well, I shouldn't be surprised. I've become someone who give all once and not wanna try a second time to risk a failure AFTER so much of pain. Worst of all, this is my way of handling almost everything. Contradicting I know! Risk of failing is higher when there isn't effort planted in. I can't help it. This is really some loser act. Big sigh! All in all, I just pray I'll get a pass for tomorrow's paper. Though it wouldn't be a big blow to me anymore if I don't succeed. Oh gosh CC, you're such a loser!

Nah! I'll do fine! :) Ahmila as well!

Something distraughting came between my two dear friends. I wish there's something I can do to help but my hands are tied. Not wanting to seal the story with just one point of view received, I'm not gonna aid anyone. It has been a long way till now, I believe that everyone of us treasure what we have between all of us. Sometimes words may be misleading, but knowing the true intention for those words no matter how not sugar coated they are will have a different impact on us. Based on what I've gathered, this is all I can deliver. Of cause, my support and ears too if needed! I just wish there's more I can offer.

Pre examination syndrome

The stress is building up in me and I think it had been doing so since I started mugging from the beginning and I just hadn't felt it. It's so much worse than going for btt and ftt! It's actually incomparable since those two books are so thin! I haven't studied since like forever!

Nevertheless, complaints are definitely not helpful in any way. Sleep is. So I'm just gonna make sure I get up real early later on and secure as much time as possible to study!

Thanks man!

Just when I said I have nothing to complain about, just great! I love it when you soak my toothbrush in soap powder and scrub my brother's shoes with it, when I get spat on, when you broke my perfume bottle! Life's awesome with these wonderful incidents! I'm so thankful for them!

Hello old friend

Oh man, this space has been neglected for AGES since I've moved on to other blogging platforms! I think I have this blog for 6 years already! It's amazingly long! So here I am to pay it a visit! Tumblr has became way too public! I guess this can be my slightly private ranting corner? But I have nothing to complain right now! I'm glad! ;)

Gosh! Reread some of my old posts, I felt like fainting! I'm so thankful that my life has changed so drastically from before! I am so gonna read from the very oldest post till this when I have too much time at hand! I'll probably laugh at myself or bang against the wall!

I need to revamp this blog though! Pondering if I should stick to this URL which I've been using for so many years or change to felceecee.

I'm here to revisit this first blog of mine!!

migrated

hey guys, i've decided to take a break from blogger. look for me at iamnotwhatiseemtobe.onsugar ! :)